Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
