it wasn't lemon gatorade
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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