dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
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