too bad you live with your parents still
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
