I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
