I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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