Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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