You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
