you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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