It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
