Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
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