dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
