Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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