dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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