you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
