i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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