Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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