I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
