he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
