I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
