like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
