Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
