The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
