i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
