I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i need an iv and a liver transplant
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
