I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
