thus making me awesome and them whores
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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