Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
