You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
