dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
