I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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