Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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