When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
