They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
