I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
