I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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