Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
