..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
