He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
