I just cut my nipple shaving
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
