I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Randomize
