those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
