New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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