Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
