But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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