Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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