I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
