Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
