Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
