I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
