Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
