He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
