good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
What did we do last night that was yellow?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
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