he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
