If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
