I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
